3 Feb 2012

Why I Should Not Stop Blogging


I suspect, because of the blatant disregard I have showed my blog over the past couple of weeks that some of you have upon realising that there was no new post on the blog tried to put in words your disappointment, at such total disregard.
 If so, you are not alone.
Every morning, I wake up and try to squeeze my head of a little bit of awesomeness. Now instead of my hourly catatonic flashes of inspiration, I seem now to only be getting them in fortnightly dribbles that seem to fade before I can get a firm hold of them.
And because of that the blog has suffered.
Here is what I imagine some guy I afford a comedic reprieve might have gone through because of my insensitivity.

-------------
Dear V,
During lunchtime, today, I tried to read your blog. And so, I waited for my boss to leave, when I was absolutely positive that she had left the building, I settled under my desk with my laptop in tow.

After taking a bite from the apple momsy had packed for me lunch, I logged on to your blog site.

I was puzzled when I found myself staring at yesterday’s post, and so I refreshed the page and patiently waited for the page to reload.

Nothing.

I waited awhile, and then tried again.

Still nothing.
Today was the first day in weeks that you were not there, I was confused. Please come back

Yours truly,
X
---------

Dear V,

For three days now, you haven’t been on your site.

Why? WHYYY???

MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU IS EMPTY.

My body is too seems to be changing because of it. I began by feeling a bit constipated, then the feeling seemed to move up and settle in my tummy. Initially i didn’t know what it was until this morning day I watched a documentary on Hitler that had me giggling for a bit. The feeling lifted then, but it’s back now.

How does it make you feel knowing that you have me in a funk like this?

What was it I did to you, for you to treat me this way? Abandoning me with no prior notice of intent. Did i not praise you enough? If that is the case, allow me to praise you now;

You are so awesome!

You have such a way with words, so posh, so British. My writing could never hold a candle to yours. The way it flows from your hands, so flowingly.

And your avator, your teeth shine like the moon during a full moon. Upon seeing them I was not surprised that you wrote the way you did.

I realise I could be wrong, so i have come up with a list of other alternative tragedies that could have befallen you.
You said that you liked to sleep in the raw, so i suspect.. and this is just conjecture- upon seeing your marvellous body, the cat burglar who had broken into your house, forgot what they had come for and stole you instead.



If that is so, I shall soon write a letter to your kidnapper imploring him to at least allow you to blog about your adventures in captivity.

Maybe you got mauled to death by a pack of rabid dogs.



Or perhaps you really were Sleeping Beauty after all and have fallen into a deep coma.



If that is the case, I shall soon ask for leave from work and come and kiss you myself. I noticed from your avi, that your head is cocked in the most flirtatious manner, surely you are beckoning for me to come and  claim you. The very thought had me banging my head on the desk as i stood up fast when my boss came in. V you make me so nervous.

Perhaps an evil co-worker did something mean to sabotage your work? You know so much about fashion I am more than convinced that you work in the fashion industry and I know how mean some of those girls can be. For that i cannot help you. I am bullied incessantly at work, it is horrible. The other day one of my co-workers gave me a wedgy and hung me from the company flag.



Perhaps you turned into a cat and got run over by a bus.



Or maybe whilst you were out jogging you fell into a ditch and nobody can find you


Or maybe there was a windstorm in your hometown and a strong gust of wind blew you up a tree?



Or perhaps you are suffering from  severe constipation



I have to go now V, because I have run out of ideas, although I do so hope that none of this has happened to you. Whatever the problem, i do hope it’s resolved soon, because I want you back, I depend on you V.

Yours truly
X


2 comments:

  1. I feel you on the fortnightly dribbles that seem to fade before you can get a firm hold of them...

    I've been struggling to write lately and I can't help but wonder, has my life become so boring that I can't put together a few words in an interesting manner...

    Hopefully your constipation will pass or you'll decide to come down the tree and be a regular in my inbox again very soon...

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