Scribbles

lately i have become interested in the things that have to do with ones cognisance. that is all forms of intellect but not in the academic sense.  however i am more interested in my own as a barometer for my own personal success. trying to answer really deep questions like; where will i be in 5 years time? hopefully i wont be dead 2. and if i do formulate one do i have the intellectual capacity to follow it through.. a part of me doesnt think so but that part ahs more to do with the fact that i am neither a left nor a right brainer... i do not however possess the golden brain. it just simply means that neither hemisphere has the upper hand in my day to day thinking... now back to what  i was saying.  the other day i took an I.Q test...impressive score of a 117 not bad considering that i always reckoned that my score was a paltry 110. add to that my subtotal for Verbal Intelligece was 142 almost genius.. as it turns out this is the only subscore i know to get the rest i had to pa

i tell myself death becomes you because i miss you that much. it makes me feel better. but i listen out for you every night. that cough of yours that used to grate on my nerves. that had me convinced that you were going to die from some cigarrette affliction. and on the one day i didn't bother to look at you. the day you wore that hideous electric pink shirt of yours you up and left.  i've always been told that when someone you love dies you feel it. i didn't feel a thing.the  irony of it is that i was watching Idols. the one show we always watched together. maybe that was the sign. i've been having weird dreams about you lately. i'll tell you all about them later. i have to get back to work now

i've been watching it for sometime now. ready to go home since 8am it shouldn't be like thi i should be ready for every day. poised for success rearing to go.  but my body aches and my brain is numb.  when i leave today and i roll into bed i'll be sure to school myself. to tell myself why i am here.  that i need the money.  that tis silent war i wage with the man who holds my purse springs . will end soon.  Now with e being african my lifes question becomes. will i drop everythng and be with the man i love or will i check myself and assess my goals. if i'd been socialised differently my mindset would be different i would be more individualistic. i would do me, but alas i a tied to my family. my mother who is helpless and not so strong emotionally. needs someone to validate her decisions someone to le her know that she is on the right track... that The Kids Are Alright one day though when my ship comes in i'm going. leaving

so I graduated in December with a B.Comm  and boy ws i hopefull about life. i was so sure that nothing but corporate bliss awaited. You see i had a my life mapped out instead of doing Articles i would do Acca and then Cima after that i would get a Diploma in Mettalurgy this is all whilst working in a mining firm. fast forward 3mths later not one company responded to my c.vs and am stuck in the family business doing clerical work. all my ambition shelved.. at least for now. i have an overbearing uncle who i am still to convince to pay for my Acca but after reading this book on the power of the subconscious mind... i now that somewhere deep down lie the limitless resources i need to get back on track.....*sigh*