The Man Who Made Me Stop Listening To The News

                                    

The news came on just as I was leaving home. Not in my car, I do not have one. I was on foot and I was listening on my phone. Now normally it is a woman reporter that comes on. Not so this time. It was a very male reporter... Oscar.

 I have nothing against this guy really and truly, but h has a way of reading the news that riles me. He comes on and I change channels. Either that or I change channels. Each time he starts a headlining story it is in the same way.

He says “meanwhile,”

Not meanwhile like you and I say it.

Really fast, and move on to the next word.

His sentences are constructed around the word.

The first time I heard Oscar say “meanwhile” was as he read the evening news on television. It seemed to me he caressed the word, played with it, gave it new meaning.

He said to the world.

“Hey I am not good looking, no not by a long shot, I probably have a stinking personality but you are goine pj rem`mb`p ha `dr`p$vinidnp( Yhq qhdhh uem`mbbume&for the word meanwhile.”

And I did.

He said it every time he started a sentence,

“Meanwhile his Excellency...”

“Meanwhile the ruling party...”

“Meanwhile the MDC...”

I mean the guy said it every time *puts middle finger in mouth*

He would bare his teeth on the MEAN... and really say “meaaan...” teeth out lips curled, and then move on slowly to WHILE.

His lips rounded on the W taking his sweet time to move on to pronounce the syllable WHI... and then slowly, whilst we waited with bated breath the LE would come. His little pink tongue would pop out of his mouth and linger on his lips as he seemed to linger on the LE.

By the fifth MEANWHILE I was disgusted. I had determined to like this dark little fellow, but he ruined the whole news experience. Now every time I hear him say,

“Meanwhile,”

I see that tongue, and those teeth bared in the manner of a displeased donkey.

"mean...WHILE"

One word should not have so much ceremony attached to it. Leave it alone!

I am much too patriotic to go on about the way he says

“Go Warriors,” wait three seconds.

“Go Warriors,” wait three seconds.

“Go Warriors.”