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Eight Things I Will Never Apologise For!

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1.           THINKING THAT ZIMBABWEAN MEN WHO GET RAPED ASKED FOR IT. Glad I got that one off my chest, and it’s true. Drive down any highway, Main Street, under any bridge, walk through any forest, go behind any building and you are bound to see at least 5 men urinating. You think the world is your urinal, whipping out your junk every opportunity you get and expect to get away with it. Just as you justify raping a child, woman, girl, baby. I to would justify raping any man who so carelessly displays his wares. If you don’t want it then keep your junk in your pants! 2.           HATING SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE LOVES Let’s see, that would be puppies, cats, corn flakes, that stupid series 24 which translates to a total disregard of that famed agent Jack Bauer. Following that I hate crowds and small talk, yes even if you are my friend, either get to the poi...
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How To Get Your New Man To Throw You A Party On The First Date

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                                It's quite an accomplishment to get a woman to go out with you, it is quite an accomplishment to get the lady to love you. With that in mind ladies when you start dating a guy you deserve a party for being so pretty/awesome/having such beautiful hands/fine skin/lovely eyes/ such a throaty voice. All of that should be celebrated, so when he starts a conversation, here's how it should go. “So what do you want to do? Movie? Dinner?” You should answer, “How about a party…for me?” “A party?” “Yeah, it will be a good chance for me to meet your friends and for you to meet my friends.” “A party?” “It doesn’t have to be a big party…although that’s what I would prefer. It could just be at your place with a few friends and drinks.” “Okay.” “And then after drinks we all ride in a limo to the ballroom you rented and meet the other two hundred guests. It could be ...
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Why You Should Get Married Before 21 :)

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If you are me, explaining ceaselessly to your 6 year old sister why you aren’t married is tedious. Being cross examined by a 6 and 12 year old is slightly worse. “V how old are you.” (Mumbles appropriate age) “How old is cousin V?”  (Not to be confused with V me) I mumble a number which makes her 2years younger. It takes N about an hour to figure this out. Large numbers are still a bit of a problem for her. “But she’s having a baby, why aren’t you?” “Well…” I struggle to find a response, 6year olds are robotically engineered and any question is most likely a double entendre. “You see,” I continue in my best grown up voice, “she is married and I am not.” Big N who is beginning to understand life a little better pipes in, “But you are sooooo old when are you getting married? I am telling you, by this time next year all the boys will see you as an old maid.” “But you have a boyfriend; doesn’t he want to marry you?” N whines “You s...
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