I Have Seen The Future

 

I have seen the future.

 We are faster, faster than pain
We are a nerve ending without a brain
we have evolved; we have no feeling at all
It is a brave new world.

Ok maybe not really but I have an idea of what will be going through my mind if I die from a car accident. Understand that these thoughts are based on what I was I thinking every time I almost had an accident. They provide a brief insight into how my scatological mind will become still and focused.

Notice that I have changed the meaning of the word to suit my mood, in this illustration it means scattered as those of you who do not know the original meaning may have surmised.

So anyway, I have had three almost accidents, the first time was when the car I was in went off road, and I said to myself, “Oh dear” and that was my only reaction. The driver merely woke up and corrected the car.

He had fallen asleep at the wheel.              

The second time was in that vehicle that has provided me with so many blog anecdotes.

The Kombi.   

  

I remember the car coming from the opposite direction weaving in and out of it’s lanes. Drunk the driver probably was. Lucky for us our driver called upon years of experience (or maybe months you never know with these people), he called upon everything he had learnt from dodging police roadblocks, illegally weaving through traffic, and driving through potholes, and by a whisker managed to avoid being hit by the mad man in the truck.

I am convinced it was a man, Zimbabwean women are much more careful and I am yet to meet a female drunken driver in this our Banana Republic (pun intended, *salutes Sodhindo Banana*).

 

Whilst all this was happening, and yes the women screamed and the men bellowed, I was thinking,

“Well look at that.”

And that again was the extent of my reaction.

The third one involved my dad, and it left me feeling very impressed. Michael Schumacher had nothing on my dad.

I will never be sure why I was so impressed because I was 12years old. If apply my amateur rearmchair psychology I would say, the prospect of death on that night did not seem to impress me. My Daddy did.

Back to what I will be thinking if I die in an automobile accident;

“Well look at that, a car coming towards me,

I doubt it will stop in time,

Oh wait it’s spinning now,

Jumping turning spinning,

It’s slowed, it is here,

I did see the future.”

At this point the car will ram into my car and death will be upon me. My last thoughts calm and collected, no panic. Just acceptance.

Raise your glass in salutation

We’ll drink to our annihilation
    was and will just make me ill
    It is the death of the earth me.