The Misadventures of Bob and Morgan
Before you start, in case you don't know. Bob is our president here in Zimbabwe. And Morgan is the young upstart who wants to usurp his power. The way things are, Bob does not see that happening anytime soon. Here's a little bit of why.
Bob was sick and tired of showing Morgan how to do a fist pump, after all there was only one right way. Hand raised in the air, with the fist clenched tightly and shaking it at the crowd for all it's worth.
It was unheard of in Zimbabwe for a man to aspire to be president and not know how to do a proper fist pump.
Even Zuma who had neither his decorum nor eloquence knew how to pump his fist.
Although if he was honest, Hu Jintao had not been able to figure out how to do it. Once on trip to China he had tried to show the Chinese premiere how to address the people. Hu had flailed his arms so much that Bob had been forced to give up.
What was insulting however, was the way Morgan pretended to be ashamed by his lack of crowd control finesse.
All he did was lift his arms half heartedly. Which if you asked any self respecting world leader was not enough to impress any flock of undecided voters.
Crowds need to be wooed, impressed by the power of fists. They needed to understand who was in charge.
Only once in a while did you need to take out your toy sword, in order to get your point acoss. He remembered that day well. He had had to take shake his fist extra hard and point it at the British flag for the people to know who the enemy was.
Watching Morgan disgrace himself was quite upsetting.
More upsetting than the time Thabo was sent over to mediate over the issue. Everyone had known who’s side he was on, what with his barely there fists, and arms coming only up to his chest.
The only ting he accomplished was that after he left, noone seemed to want to try. Biti half heartedly tried to do the pump but had ended up giving up because of the fits of laughter that had assailed him.
Things had gotten so bad that Bob finally had to bring in the police.
Even that hadn’t helped; in fact it had made things worse, because now Morgan clasped his hands and handled himself in a way that put shame on the office of the Prime Minister.
This was a matter of national importance, already he had begun to see the looks the Army Generals were giving him.Their salutes seemed quite a mockery. Once he could have sworn that one of them had guffawed as soon as he had looked away.
He made up his mind to tell Arthur about Morgan’s shameful ways. Arthur had shook his head and pursed his lips. Setting his face into a look of such disdainful disapproval only the most stubborn of men would have been able to live it down.
Morgan had hung his head in shame, and promptly given his word, promising never to do it again. Sealing the deal with a firm handshake as all powerful men do.
But Bob was sceptical, sure it was only matter of time before Morgan was back to his unbecoming ways, and so he waited, biding his time.
Tune in next week. Will Morgan honour his word? Will Bob be pleasantly surprised by Morgan’s honour? Or will he disgrace himself by flailing his arms in front of a crowd. Putting the Nation’s security at risk?
All this next week!