The Bone Thrower Saw Thigh and Got a Boner


Lately I have been neglecting my blog. This is entirely due to no fault of mine whatsoever. Nevertheless, I have reasons why and they are good ones.

First, I have been spending time looking for traditional healers. You would think that they would be easy to find, au contraire.

The first one I went to refused to see me because I was wearing a sleeveless dress with neon colours splashed across it. The explanation I got had something to do with the ancestors not being too pleased with my tempting of their medium by flaunting my skin.

The Headlines would have clearly read:

The Bone Thrower  Saw Thigh and Got a Boner
Man sees red after seeing flesh uncovered

The second n’anga I went to was a skinny light woman, who did not have te decency to at least dress up in her full regalia but instead carried on with her dusting and polishing whilst N and I began our consultation,


N: You have heard of those people going around the country eating peoples intestines?
[blank look from n’anga]

Here's a picture of a man with a blank look.

N: (moving her hands in wide circles) they give people lifts, stop at butcheries, go inside to buy inards and then eat them raw, by the time the drop off the person at their intended destination, their dead

.
V: (shaking fists in the air) on carrying out the post mortem the pathologist is surprised to learn that all the intestines are gone.
[blank look from n’anga]

Here's a picture of a blank look.



N: (takes a deep breath) I am doing a story on it would you like to be on t.v and tell us about it?
[n’anga starts moving her arms and shaking her fists violently]

Heres a picture of a Muslim flailing his arms


I am almost convinced that she is in a trance.
But then she speaks,


N’anga:  (still shaking her fists) no, no they will come after me and kill me. Just this morning i had to fight off one of them, they came just before dawn. We faught. She almost won but I managed to sit on her. No, no. You need to get out, they will know. You need to leave.

Here's a picture of Hansel shaking his fists.


Still gesturing violently she pushed us out, and banged the door in our faces.
(insert picture of violent gesture)


Comments

  1. LOLest. U could have borrowed the so-called "appropriate" clothing from vakadzi vemumaraini; and suffered hospital bills from scabies and the likes..

    ReplyDelete
  2. No way, if there is one thing I learnt in High School it's that you never EVER share clothes!

    ReplyDelete

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